What is Good Enough?

We have had a wonderful summer! We’ve gone camping, to the beach, the pool, playground, story time and toddler dance parties at the library and have just enjoyed the beautiful weather as much as we possibly can. Of course, life is not perfect and the craziness always finds us!

Pete the cat I have been busting my rear trying to get a job and have had several interviews, but am still hoping for that phone call saying I’m their gal!

Buddy has been getting speech and PT services at the house twice a week and he is doing awesome! He is getting good at his “s”  and “sh” sounds and can now jump a little and is running better.

My friend and I got together for a delightful dinner sans kids and she asked me if we have gotten any calls for more children. When we were days away from our camping trip we got several calls all at once, but now nothing. Well the next day… I got a call for a 5-year-old! I felt bad for the little guy. A relative took the three other siblings into their home, but not this one. I guess he has severe ADHD and a mood disorder and needs a lot of 1 on 1 attention. I thought to myself, our little guy doesn’t have all those issues and still requires a lot of my attention! There is no way I could handle two needy children. So, hopefully they can find a home that doesn’t have any children yet. A few days later we got a call for a newborn baby! Was the call I had been waiting for?

Ever since we had the three-month old baby, I have really longed to have another baby in the house. My husband and I discussed it and decided that we would take him. He was one of 10 children ranging in age from 1 week to 21 years old, who live with various relatives or are in foster care or have been TPR’d. While the baby’s tox screen was clear, he did show signs of mom abusing drugs. He was a preemie and had a few other issues of concern. I waited all day for the caseworker to call me. Then I decided to leave a message for her, but got no call back. Buddy and I spent the afternoon bringing down baby gear and going through baby clothes to prepared for his arrival. The next day I called the caseworker again and left another message. Not until a good 24+ hours after our initial call, did she finally call me. She was very abrasive and harsh and basically made me feel like crap. I won’t get too into it, but I just wanted to get all my bases covered so I felt prepared for what to expect and she went up one side of me and down the other. Then, she told me that she wants me to meet the baby and we would go from there.

So, Buddy, Hubby and I went to the family support center and met the tiny little bundle. I changed his diaper and fed him and we talked to the caseworker. She said we should visit him every day until Tuesday (it was Thursday at this point) and then we could make our final decision. She apologized for her brash approach and said she is just an advocate for the child and tells it how it is. OK…. I understand that, but all of this was still kind of weird. Usually they call you up, tell you what time they’re dropping the kid off and you go from there. Friday we were out walking the dog and I saw I had a voicemail. It was the caseworker saying that they decided to go in a different direction. What? Did I lose my job? That what it felt/sound like. We called her back, but of course she never returned our call. We talked to Buddy’s caseworker and said that the caseworker asked about us and she told her we were great, she had no issues. Well, I broke down in tears. I felt like she didn’t think I was good enough to care for the baby. I just felt like an overall failure. I can’t get a job, I can’t have my own children and I can’t take care of foster babies apparently. I was just a wreck!

Luckily I have an amazing husband who helped me remember how lucky I am to have him and Buddy and we are getting by on his salary even if it is a struggle. I AM lucky and very blessed. I have a great family and great friends and everything will fall back into place eventually. We have Buddy and he is the biggest joy in my life. While he does drive me crazy, I can’t imagine it any other way!

Thursday we go to disposition to decide what is in the best interest of Buddy and I’m testifying. I’m a little nervous, but not as nervous as I was. Why you say? Well….

I have more interesting, exciting and crazy news to come, so stay tuned!!!

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