Anxiety is Setting In

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I have submitted 16 applications for jobs since my contract was not renewed at my last school. I’ve gone on three interviews and have a forth next week. Each time I go in so optimistic and feel that I did really well, only to be told that it’s a competitive pool of candidates with more public school experience or more experience specific to the position. I am frustrated. The window of opportunity is very small. I have about a month left and then school will start.

I just don’t want September to come and I’m wondering what I’m going to do next. I can always go back to school and get my administrative degree. I can always look for another career, but that takes time and money. Time, when you’re trying to adopt a son and live life as a family, is very precious and money that I don’t have.

I’m seriously trying to find the silver lining in all of this. I’m trying to keep optimistic that, when the right opportunity arises that I’ll meet the challenge and prove to be the right candidate, because whatever I lack in experience I’ll work my tail off to overcome.

So, if you happen to know of a school in the Central New York area looking for a top notch Special Education Teacher who will try her damnedest to meet all expectations, let me know, because I’m getting nervous here! In the meantime, I’ll love my little man with all of my heart, because just looking at that little face makes everything right with the world again.

Getting Closer to the Freakin Forties than Dirty Thirties!

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Today is my 30th, sigh… 38th birthday and I am feeling old. I always get annoyed with tease my husband for his horrible hearing. He is 8 years older than me after all, so it’s my duty as his wife; but sometimes he’ll just make things up because he doesn’t hear what is being said. My grandmother (God rest her soul) used to do this as well, but she had a right to as a senior citizen!

For instance, I know 2 year olds don’t have the best pronunciation, but I feel that I understand about 90% of what Buddy says, unlike my husband who gets maybe half. One day Buddy starts talking about the “Poop Guy.” I said, “where the heck did he get that from?” My husband said that’s what he’s calling bad guys and blames me for telling him poop is bad. I said, I told him that touching poop is bad, how is that my fault? Well, the other day we watched the movie “Meet the Robinsons” and he says, “Boo Guy, Boo Guy!” He was trying to say Boulder Hat Guy! So, it took a little investigating to figure out that it was Boo and not Poop. Sooo not my fault!

Then the other day we brought Buddy to see the new “Despicable Me 2” movie. We weren’t sure how he’d do, but we went to a matinee. Hubby told the ticket guy that we needed three tickets. I clarified and said two adults and one child. The ticket guy asked how old Buddy was and I replied that he’s two. The ticket guy said, “he’s three.” I said, with a little bit of attitude, “no, he’s two (are you questioning how old my child is mister?).” Again he said, “he’s three.” I said, “Three dollars?” The guy speaks up and enunciates, “Nooo, he is FRREEE!!” I sheepishly lowered my head and said “oh,” followed by “I’m sorry.” I felt like such a jerk and so old. The guy was probably thinking to himself, “turn up your hearing aid lady!”

Then yesterday Buddy was watching the Avengers cartoon and I was doing some research on the computer. He comes in, half behind a blue pillow in his hand and says what sounds like, “I’m Coffee Maker!” My husband asks, “What did he say?” I questioningly replied, “The Coffee Maker?” Then it dawned on me, Captain America! He’s Captain America and the pillow is his shield! Gotcha! Poor kid with two old ass parents!

With Great Power Comes Great Responsiblity

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The past few weeks have been crazy and I haven’t posted as much as I want to, but I’m sure that’s how most summer’s go for people. So, this post will be on the long side, but I included some cute pics!

Unfortunately my husband’s step-mother passed away. Emotions have been running high for hubby and we did a lot of traveling back and forth for services to his hometown. I’m truly sorry that I never met his step-mom, she seemed like an amazingly selfless woman who always put others before herself as a nurse, a sister, and a mom, as well as a great cook who served and supported her church and community. Hubby’s father passed only 5 years into their marriage, but they are together again in heaven. They say deaths come in threes and that is my third in the past few months, so please let that be it for quite some time.

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On a lighter note, we had fun with family for the fourth, enjoyed way too much food, Buddy played with his cousins and had a refreshing dip in my sister’s new pool!

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I also got to spend some time with an old friend and we brought the kids to the zoo. It was Buddy’s first time there and he had a lot of fun seeing all the different animals. He was passed out before we even left the parking lot! Here he is checking out the elephants.

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The following day we went to the Sterling Renaissance Festival. It was a good time and something different, especially since I’ve never been before. Buddy is really into pirates and anyone with a sword, so he had fun seeing the costumes and watching the skits. They had games and rides and we rode a war horse and a camel (those pics are on hubby’s phone, unfortunately)! Hubby showed Buddy how to shoot a bow and arrow and Buddy told us “left or right” as we navigated a maze that ended with a fun slide.

Buddy’s bio-mom is still MIA and all visits have been cancelled. This takes some stress off of me for the time being as I won’t have to bring him there and deal with her hostility. Especially since Buddy got a new, short haircut that bio-mom would surely flip over! Also, she didn’t know about his doctor’s appointment, so that was drama free and shot free! It was just a routine foster care follow up visit and they were happy with his progress and growth.

The home visit with the caseworker went fine. She cleared up some things for me. I thought that the permanency hearing was where they decided to terminate parental rights, but I was wrong. It’s a hearing in front of a judge that has to happen every six months to make sure everyone is doing their job and see how bio-mom is progressing. I thought that was what the Service Plan Review was for, but I guess one is in front of a judge and the other is in front of a representative from Catholic Charities. The caseworker said that on Buddy’s 53rd week in foster care she will file the paperwork for TPR, then it will be filed around October 1 and a hearing will be scheduled. If bio-mom shows up, she can sign over rights to us. Chances are she will not show up or sign over rights, so it would be an involuntary surrender. She can then appeal. Hopefully she will stay MIA and we won’t have to worry about any of that. We’ll have to see.

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While at the mall looking for a suit for hubby, we thought that maybe we could get Buddy a Build-a-Bear and train him to self sooth at night and relieve some anxiety by hugging that instead of touching his boo boos. He has a bunch of different stuffed animals, but doesn’t really bother with them. Recently we were at Wendy’s for lunch and the Spider Man movie was on TV and he was enthralled! So he made a bear with a Spider Man outfit and named him Spidey Bear. He loves the bear and it seems to be helping so far. My brother watched Buddy for us while we were at the funeral on Sunday and he took him to a bounce house. A lady asked him his name and he told her it was Spider Man and shot his webs at her! He has a very vivid imagination.