S/he’s So Beautiful To Me!

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Buddy is a gorgeous child with light blonde curly locks, bright blue eyes, long, full eye lashes and fair skin. He is a big flirt, loves people and will interact with anyone who with look his way. To me, he is ALL BOY! He will roar like a dinosaur, point out trucks and motorcycles and pretend anything is a sword (must be something from a previous home because no such weapons at our house!).

I brought Buddy to Five Guys yesterday because I forgot to take something out for dinner. He absolutely went nuts for the cheeseburger and french fries, eating as much as I did and, since they didn’t have milk, he had the added treat of a light strawberry lemonade.

People always make nice comments on how cute/beautiful/well behaved, etc. he is. Well, as his hair continues to grow, people have started to call him a girl! Now I think, just looking at his face, he looks like a boy, but I guess he’d make an equally cute girl. However, I don’t dress him like a girl. Yesterday, for instance, he was wearing a red t-shirt with a robot with big googly eyes riding a dinosaur and track-type pants. One couple came over to me and said, “your little girl has the most beautiful blue eyes!” I just said thank you without correcting her. Then a few minutes later, a man came over and said, “SHE is so well behaved and hardly made a mess!” This time I corrected him and said, “thank you, but he’s a boy.” and he said, “oh, well, I guess the fair skin and eyes threw me off!” Umm… really? Boys don’t ever have fair hair and blue eyes?

I know it’s because his hair has gotten so long. The poor kid sweats through his head and those curls are soaked as he runs around and plays. I so badly want to pin it back with some barrettes! His bio-mom won’t let us cut it. I don’t want to do anything drastic, like shave his head, I just want it trimmed, but I know it’s a control issue. She says she wants him to have a pony tail, but that won’t keep his bangs out of his eyes. I comb them to the side and slick his hair back with water in the morning, but by the time he comes home from daycare, it’s basically a white boy version of an afro, with clown-like puffs of curls around the sides and back. Poor boy!

As I mentioned before, I’d like to try to make a connection with Buddy’s bio-mom. She usually attends his weekly visits (she was “sick” this week), so I thought I’d send some pictures with him and a little notebook to update her on what he’s been doing. Yes, I know I have an ulterior motive, but I do want her to know that we really do have Buddy’s best interest at heart. I want her to trust me enough to cut his hair. I want her to trust me enough to take him on vacation with us.

I was also thinking about Mother’s Day. I saw a cute DIY where you press the child’s fingerprint in clay and make it into a necklace. I figured I could make them for grandma and for me too!

It’s ultimately up to her to decide what is best for her son. She hasn’t had his best interest at heart for the past eight months, so I guess we’ll have to see if anything changes.

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6 thoughts on “S/he’s So Beautiful To Me!

  1. In state care, we can (thankfully) cut hair when they have been in foster care 30 days! I can’t imagine taming a little boys locks in the midst of toddler-Dom! Mine little dude likes to paint his with oatmeal! It gets cut before he gets too up close and personal about it and oatmeal 🙂

    My bios in all cases didn’t care what I brought or did…I was the big bad foster mom…hope yours shows more appreciation!

    • Wow! Isn’t it crazy how different things are from one county to another and one state to another? Buddy doesn’t really touch his hair, thankfully, because the oatmeal thing doesn’t sound like fun! I wish this bio-mom was more cooperative. The caseworker acutally informed me that she wants me to continue to have no contact with her. So I will not be able to do the notebook thing as I hoped. Bio-mom still refuses psychological testing and has been volatile. I think it’s just going to be a continuous battle for me.

  2. I do not understand how they let parents keep this type of control. The kid isn’t in their care for a reason, and making these decisions should not be totally in their court. They should be able to request, but too often it becomes 100% about control and being anti-foster parent, and 0% about their child’s wants and needs. I’m glad that my agency never said anything, and our kids’ mom didn’t care. We cut hair whenever we couldn’t stand to see it in their eyes anymore!

  3. I know. I don’t get why bio-parents still have most of their rights and are given a million and one chances. It truly baffles me! I’m glad to see that other counties and states are more lenient than ours.

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