Baby (Grand-)Mama Drama


We have been keeping in contact with Buddy’s former foster parents. It’s been nice to know some background and gain some insight into what he’s done before, what works and doesn’t work. I send her a pic now and then and tell her he’s doing well. Just some background… Buddy was born in a different county and then bio-mom moved to our county. Bio-mom said she would plead guilty to neglect if they moved Buddy to her county and the judge agreed. That was devastating news for the former foster parents who also loved Buddy, but luckily he went to another caring home… ours! Well, the former foster mom told me a little snippet of information recently that there is a bio-grandma that she had to keep in contact with that wanted to adopt him!

Bio-mom is originally from a different state and bio-Grandma still lives there. She adopted bio-mom’s first child, a girl, who is now eight years old. The former foster mom would have to give bio-grandma monthly updates on Buddy. I didn’t know bio-grandma existed, so I contacted Buddy’s caseworker.

The caseworker said she had no information like that on bio-grandma, but she was doing her “due diligence” by sending her monthly letters that Buddy is in foster care. Supposed bio-dad is also getting the letters. Well, bio-grandma called the caseworker and gave her hell and was really rude to her on the phone. She wanted nothing to do with Buddy. Okay, that’s fine with us! Then, as of our Service Plan Review meeting, bio-grandma called back to say that she would come get Buddy! Hello! That’s not how it works!

Bio-grandma thought that she could just drive to NY from her state and bring him there! Maybe that’s how it works elsewhere, but in NY there is a lot of interstate paperwork to go through and she has to Skype or call Buddy to show she’s making a connection. Then they have to do background checks, make sure it’s a proper placement, go to court, etc. Well, bio-grandma didn’t want to go through all that! She said she’s having enough trouble with the eight year old granddaughter as it is! OMG!!

She said that she wants nothing to do with her grandchildren’s mother. Apparently she put bio-mom into foster care when she was 16 because she would run away, steal, went around with many boys, was into drugs, etc. She claims that Buddy’s mom went the 650+ miles to her home recently and kicked her door in. Well, I don’t doubt the anger part of the equation, but bio-mom doesn’t have her own car and it’s at least a 10 hour drive and she’s been making Buddy’s visits. She also says that bio-mom has outstanding warrants in that state and there was some drama over Facebook about $10,000 being missing! Ummm… none of this makes any sense. If there was an ounce of truth to it, I’d think that the county or state of NY would turn bio-mom over to the police.

Bio-grandma decided that she would settle for monthly updates again, like what the former foster mom gave her. However, I could only call during certain times because Buddy’s half sister (there are different bio-dad’s) doesn’t even know that he exists! Bio-grandma claims that she is trying to protect her by not telling her about him. As it was, bio-grandma was talking to the caseworker quietly on the phone and standing outside so that the girl wouldn’t hear her talking! Well, if she wanted to just come get Buddy, the child would find out then, so what’s the difference? I said that it all sounds a little fishy to me. I would give my updates through the caseworker for now. Hopefully bio-grandma doesn’t pursue this any further. Family drama is not my bag baby!

Photo credit: capn madd matt / / CC BY-NC-SA


2 thoughts on “Baby (Grand-)Mama Drama

  1. Don’t you ever wonder if the bios all let go, how much could the child and the new home thrive from there? I sometimes think its the only way they’ll have an honest chance at a new start and no limitations…

  2. I forwarded a research article to a caseworker once (that probably went right in the trash) from the American Academy of Pediatrics that did a 6 year study on the behavioral health outcomes in children. It found that kids who were reunified with their bio-parents showed more negative, self-destructive outcomes than those who didn’t. Now this study was done on older kids, aged 7-12. I would love to see a study done on younger kids to see if they find the same outcome. Then I want to know why, when there is research to back it up, do they still want to always have “reunification with the bio-parents” as the ultimate goal of foster care? It just doesn’t make sense to me when there are so many loving people who are willing to welcome these children into their families.

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