Doctor’s Appointment Nightmare

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I know it sounds a bit dramatic, but it did include, yelling, swearing, door slamming and hitting and not by my toddler either. Buddy had his follow up doctor’s appointment at the clinic and his bio mom is always invited to attend. She has been pretty hit or miss when it comes to visits, so I wasn’t sure if she would come or not.

As Buddy and I walked from the parking lot to the building, a thin woman with dark hair pulled back into a ponytail, multiple piercings, tattoos and wearing skater shorts on a blustery cold day, ran up behind us saying something. Assuming it was bio mom, I turned around and she introduced herself to me by saying, “that’s my kid.” I said, “hello, my name is Lisa, you must be _______, it’s nice to meet you. She shook my hand and promptly took Buddy out of my arms saying that she never gets to see him anymore.

We rode in uncomfortable silence up to the 4th floor and entered into the empty waiting area because we were the first appointment of the day. It is not the most prompt office and employees trickled in as Buddy and bio mom played with toys and I looked on. Next thing I know, two other people join bio mom. They did not introduce themselves, but took pictures on their cell phones and chatted amongst themselves. Next thing I know, bio mom starts slapping Buddy on his little round belly and loudly exclaims, “You’re so fat! You’re such a fat boy!” I let it go once, but she continued to whack him on his stomach and call him names. I said to her, “we are practicing not hitting, if you could please not do that.” She ignored me. I said it to her three more times while we waited. In the meantime, I frantically text (or is it texted?) my husband because I just had a really bad feeling. I didn’t like how things were going already. Where was the caseworker, where was the receptionist? Why am I alone here?! Luckily, my husband wasn’t too far away and said he’d be there in a few minutes.

The nurse called us into an exam room and the whole entourage got up to go. I said, “I think it’d be best if just mom went in.” She turned to the other people and luckily agreed. Then I began to wonder if that was a good decision. Should I really be alone in a room with a woman who the caseworker described as “hostile?” She needs a police escort when she goes to the DSS office, why doesn’t she need one at the doctor’s office? Where was the caseworker anyway?

Bio mom began spinning around on the doctor’s stool and scooting about the room like it was a race track with Buddy in her arms. Buddy repeatedly reached for me, but she wouldn’t let me take him from her until the nurse returned. We were freezing, but bio mom kept commenting on how hot it was in there and that they should really do something about the temperature (showing signs of using or going through withdrawals). Luckily, hubby and the caseworker, who offered her apologies, came in the room. Buddy needed to get three shots. Bio mom grabbed Buddy from me again and he was pulling at my shirt because he wanted to be with me, so she relented by putting him on the exam table and held him there. Hubby talked to the nurse about Buddy’s progress and his issues.

The nurse came in with the shots, so I told Buddy, “hold Mommy’s hand,” and I tried to comfort him the best that I could.  Then, bio mom flipped out! She said, “I’m not going to take this shit!” and stormed out of the room and slammed the door. I looked over at my husband and asked what he said. The caseworker informed me that it was because I referred to myself as Mommy and bio mom doesn’t like that. I didn’t even do it consciously! I was just trying to comfort the baby! I just started shaking. Out came all the pent up emotions I was feeling since we got there and I told everybody about how she was hitting him on the belly and calling him fat, how she brought the other people and wouldn’t let me hold him when he reached for me… and he’s only two! He doesn’t even understand the term mommy. To him, every woman is mommy and every man is daddy. Why? Because he’s been shuffled all over because she abandoned him! He needs to have a person to call mommy in his life right now!

The caseworker and the nurse were in agreement with me and when bio mom stormed back into the room, they discussed this with her. She said I was damaging his mental health because when he goes back to her, he’s not going to know who’s who. Bio mom ended up leaving in a huff and the doctor told the caseworker that I’m not to be left alone with her ever again.

I couldn’t just go home after all of that, so Buddy and I headed over to a play area at the mall and played and he had some pizza. Then we took out some books at the library. Phewww, what a day!!

Photo credit: Alex E. Proimos / Foter.com / CC BY

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9 thoughts on “Doctor’s Appointment Nightmare

    • Hi there, sorry to upset you. Foster care is no walk in the park that’s for sure! I’ve had lots of ups & downs during the last 16 months with 3 different children & sets of parents. Thanks for trading & commenting!

  1. I am so sorry to hear about the drama that a bio brought to your already tense visit. I’ve only had a bio show up once for a child’s appointment (surgery for ear tubes) and she hysterically cried and wailed, and the nurses thought she was a freak. She just tackled, screamed, and trashed talked me the one time I asked permission to cross the state line to visit my in-laws for the Fourth of July. We weren’t even going to stay in a hotel, just go out of state lines. That’s when I started chanting, “I need a supervisor here!”.

    My bio’s currently don’t ever hear their kids talk with their speech delays, but the mom’s attorney hung out one day while the workers played with Amelia (the week before TPR) and they said, “Okay, we’ll give you back to Mommy”. I didn’t correct, but I didn’t say anything. Sure enough, in court, when I testified, they asked what she calls me, or if I refer to myself as mom. Lucky with the speech delay, I happily said, “Nope…all she says is hi, bye, more, and hello…she doesn’t have a label for anyone”.

    Wishing you luck on the days ahead!

  2. Hi Amanda, yeah bio parents are interesting! I’ve had plenty of dirty looks, because of course, we’re the bad guys, but this one definitely took the cake! Hopefully we’ll TPR in August, fingers crossed! I’m supposed to refer to myself as Mommy Lisa, but really am I going to correct him when he just calls me Mommy? Forget about it!

  3. Pingback: One Step Closer | The Dirty Thirties Blog

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