It’s All About Perspective

sleepy-alreadyUsually when I go to the Fertility Doctor, people just sit in the comfy, hotel-like setting of this posh office and keep to themselves. On one particular day, a man felt compelled to talk to me. It was quite entertaining, but made me think.

I was looking at the newspaper and the man, who I found out later was a retired cop, said, “go ahead and take those coupons, we pay enough for this place, you ought to get something for free.” I laughed it off and appreciated his sense of humor and felt for his wife who shushed him since my husband’s been known to be equally obnoxious.

After my appointment, I saw the same gentleman waiting out on a bench. He said that he never wanted kids. He and his first wife agreed to this, then she gave him an ultimatum and then eventually divorced. Then he met his second wife, she was also a cop and agreed that she didn’t want children and he had a vasectomy. Then she chided him to get it reversed. Well, 4 attempts at In Vitro later, they were still unsuccessful. He didn’t understand how he ended up at this juncture and since he was retired, he’d have to take care of a kid he didn’t even want.

I didn’t know how to respond to this man. I was on my third IUI attempt at the time. We were about to lose our foster baby. I couldn’t relate to his situation. So, I told him that maybe he should just take her to a Caribbean island and forget about life for a while.

I thought about my response because I guess that’s what I would like to do if I find out having children is not possible. I had much higher hopes for the foster care system. I had this picturesque vision of taking a child into our home, they loved us and we loved them and they stayed forever. So far, it hasn’t exactly worked out that way. I didn’t picture myself going through numerous rounds of fertility treatments.

My sister had asked me once if I would feel like I missed out on something if I never gave birth. I really don’t think so. I only really went that round because it was cheaper than adoption. It’s not that I’m cheap, I just don’t see how it’s a viable option for us right now.

I do however find some solace in the fact that I will be done with IUI after this attempt. Don’t get me wrong, I want to have a child in my life very much, but I don’t like the torture of rejection each time it fails. It’s just a pleasant though I like to keep in the back of my mind that if we aren’t successful that we can still be happy by getting a little house on a little island and forget about life for a while.

Photo credit: notsogoodphotography / / CC BY


3 thoughts on “It’s All About Perspective

  1. I hope that no matter what happens, you are at peace with it! It sounds like you have a great perspective and are level-headed and realistic about things. Man, I feel bad for that cop. What a horrible situation to be in! I can’t imagine having a vasectomy and then reversing it and spending so much on fertility treatments when you don’t even want a kid in the first place. Yikes.

    • Thanks for commenting Courtney! I am trying to be at peace with things and be level-headed. Sometimes it’s easier to say things, then do them, so we’ll see what the future holds!

  2. It’s not an easy task to keep dealing with rejection as a way of life, which is what infertility has in store for women who do not give up. And sometimes, they do get their wish granted. I’m a filmmaker working on a documentary about infertility based on my own experience. I think it’s very important to introduce the reality of infertility to the public. Please take a look at my blog (just starting), and if you like it, join in the support here The project is in early post production, so your inputs and comments are welcome. Please take a look at the clip here www.

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