The girls at the Fertility Center were so good to me the day of insemination that I really started feeling optimistic that this bad day was going to be turned into a good one. What was especially rough was that two weeks later, on the morning I was to get the test results, I found out I was bleeding when I got up to use the bathroom. The nurse said that it might just be break through bleeding, but I knew it wasn’t. So I didn’t have high expectations that when they called a few hours later that the results would be positive, but I was holding on to hope. I just wanted our foster baby back. It’s so much easier when someone hands you a baby, rather than trying to go through the process of having one on your own. He was so perfect and beautiful, but he wasn’t ours.
The one thing that I would highly recommend for anyone who has gone through this situation is to take the day off, cry for a while, then spend the day doing something simple but fun and regroup. I left work, went to my mom’s house, cried my eyes out for a while and when I was done, I just played with her two lab puppies. I love animals. They love you unconditionally, they don’t judge you and they don’t talk back. It was the perfect therapy I needed to just watch them be goofy, wrestle around with each other and plop in my lap so I could pet their silky soft fur and forget about life for a while. My mom took me out to lunch, we went to some thrift stores, something I secretly love to do, and went home.
The next day I called the Fertility Center back, I went to my baseline appointment and I’m jumping right into my last shot with IUI. I was tempted to hold off and wait a month, but when I’ve waited in the past, I’ve gotten cysts. This time my ovaries looked great and I’m on to starting my next cycle.
If you have family and friends near by, make sure to utilize them. Don’t go through this process alone. I even told my husband that he really needs to start reading up on what I’m going through, because I’d love to just say, “screw it, it’s your turn!” Unfortunately men can’t have babies, so they need to know the ins and outs and not just sit idly by for the fun parts of baby making! Everyone has a story. Everyone knows someone who has struggled with infertility. It’s good to have another perspective.