I love my husband, but he drives me nuts! I get very frustrated with him and have less patience for him than I do others. Maybe that’s because he’s an easy target living under the same roof from me. So, we decided to give marriage counseling a try to see if we could get a handle on things.
We’re going through a lot right now between being unable to conceive, doing fertility treatments and having fostered a baby while each balancing a career. I come home and share some of my work stories and he reciprocates, but that’s about the extent of the conversation.
I’m sure many wives feel like they aren’t heard, but I swear my husband doesn’t hear my voice as if I’m an adult on the Peanuts cartoon going “mwa, mwa, mwa.” I’ll tell him something and a day later he won’t have the slightest idea of what I’m talking about! If it wasn’t for the fact that I would tell him to get the baby up, feed him a bottle, put him down for a nap, give him a bath, etc., I don’t think he’d think to do them on his own. Don’t get me wrong, he was awesome with the baby, but he would need some reminders.
In the whole scheme of things, we get along really well and are very much in love. We’re just not very good at the feelings part on either end and how to express them productively. That thought is really weird since we’re both in careers where we need to have a lot of compassion, and pride ourselves on that fact. So, why can’t we act that way toward each other?
I’m sure it’s just one of those things that needs to be seen from a different perspective. If it looked at in a different light, when the real issues, like our infertility and loss of a foster child, are put out there, you can see where the underlying frustrations lie. It’s learning how to get past those and have more compassion for what we’re each going through separately.
I don’t know. I’m not a psychologist, so I guess we’ll find out in time. It’s something I would recommend for anyone who has to deal with any of these dirty thirty issues. I’ll let you know how it goes.
UPDATE: We did go to one counseling session, which was a good thing for both of us to get perspective. However, it’s just not going to fit into my schedule right now. So we are going to go to an infertility support group. See my latest post “How Are You Being Supported On Your Journey?”